Would you like ketchup with your dodo nugget? 9
Warning: this is not a comment on the condition of the planet, but a crude business plan to make money off vegetarians and their friends.
Vegetarians will only eat beef if there is no meat in it. So vegetarian restaurants are constantly serving up faux meat, imitation meat, mock meat, or meat analogue, as they also call it, and people happily order and chew on soy, mushrooms, and proteins, with a texture uncannily similar to meat – sans les corpses. You can get chicken, hot dogs, beef, and even shrimp.
I can’t help wonder, if no species has to suffer, why not get a little more adventurous in the “meat” offerings. You know you always wanted to taste dinosaur meat (I did). Even if it tastes just like chicken, you wouldn’t know if it was authentic. In fact, why not make a restaurant called Darwin’s that only serves the finest (faux) extinct or nearly extinct species.
The menu could change daily and the staff could quip, “Sorry, we’re all out of that.” Get it? I tested this idea on both a vegan and a vegetarian, and I think it’s a winner. I’m issuing this menu on a Creative Commons basis. If anybody makes a killing on this idea, I demand free food.
Today’s menu Starters
Turtle egg soup
Humming bird tongues
Dodo nuggets
Baby polar bear tails
Southern fried finches
Wooping crane websMains
White tiger curry with string beans
Brontosaurus burger
Leg o’ mammoth with greens (for 4)
Crispy panda with rice
Dolphin snout risotto
Bald-eagle noodlesDesert
Platypus milk pudding
Polar icecap cream
mmmmm! RSVP. party of five.
Would it be wrong to put Shank of Human on the menu?
Maybe you could get some inspiration from The Freshman (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099615/ ) – where Marlon Brando runs a restaurant somewhat like this.
I’ve always hated meat substitutes, truthfully. I’m not pining for the taste of meat or crying because my friends are eating sirloin and I’m not. I wish more restaurants that cater to vegetarians would get past the idea that we’re looking for faux meat and do a better job creating vegetable dishes.
Of course you should remember Hufu–the potentially commercially available product which is tofu made to resemble the taste of “long pork” or, er, people.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hufu
I don’t know if humans are technically endangered of fantastical enough to make the menu of my restaurant as a permanent fixture. Maybe only on special occasions like… Easter?
What about Lark’s Tongue In Aspic? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larks‘_Tongues_in_Aspic
Genius, Solana, genius. How about some Irish deer ribs or Quagga soup? Also, I’d love to see hard-to-find meats like CAMEL NECK!
Sous chef, Jack Murphy sends the following:
Today’s Menu
Soup:
Marine Turtle Bisque in it’s own Shell
With Monarch Wing Chips
Starters:
Snow Leopard Paw Pad Shish-Ka-Bob
Rotisserie Pica With a Coca Leaf Dipping Sauce
Mains:
White Rhino Ribeye with Blue Inca Potatoes drizzled with an Extra Virgin
Olive Oil
Deep Fried Manatee FIn in a Seaweed Sweater
Creamed Penguin over a bed of red coral
Dessert:
Flan topped with Chocolate Covered Spotted Owl Beaks